We got my toddler two little toddler chairs that can go around a coffee table we have. She started eating lunch at our dining table but swiftly gravitated to the living room where her brothers are enjoying waffles on their snow day. It’s here in these moments that I’m really learning to let go. My capacity has shifted in so many ways since becoming a parent, which, mind you, started AT marriage for me. When I first started I was dead set on being the best dang mom I could be for these boys. They deserved it. They needed it. I wanted to cook the right things, introduce adventure, provide routine. I. Was. Exhausted. Then I had Magnolia and I wanted to do the Montessori toys, the nurturing no-cry parenting, the baby-led weaning, the cloth diapers. I. Was. Exhausted. As a toddler she needs boundaries and as a parent, that’s hard to know how to provide. I. Am. Exhausted. Then I had Olivier and I just plain give up.
Control has been my drug for years. It’s how I managed a very unprocessed emotional inside. Anxiety was my life. I went to counseling, sought spiritual healing and brought my unprocessed pain to the Lord day in and day out. It has been a long time but sometimes things just click.
Today they clicked again. I’m exhausted and I’m done being exhausted. I’m done trying to check all the boxes of being a perfect parent. My boys and my babies just need me. And me exhausted and checking the boxes is no better than me, Sheralyn, inadequate beyond belief for this job.
It feels good to say it. I am inadequate. It feels good to admit it and just pray a lot more for growth in me to care for my children the way the Lord has designed me to. In my weakness not in my strength. So I’ll do all the things like Montessori and routine and boundaries but I’m just going to stop trying so hard.
What a relief.
Jesus is sufficient. If I teach anything to my children it’s that. Jesus is sufficient for their mom. Jesus is sufficient for them.
In Response: 